Day 5

Have not posted in a while but I have been here. It is Stim day five for me. Everything is looking good. My due date with Anthony is quickly approaching and for now I am at peace. I guess knowing that we are working on this invitro cycle is giving me a sense of calm. Nothing can replace my first born. (Anthony mommy loves you and misses you everyday) I have a sense of hope knowing of the potential of a sister or brother. Will and I are in a better place, we never had a true bad place since March 1, 2010 but I think he is starting to feel like he has the old Talisa back. I am glad that she is back too. I know that God has something big in store for me and I can't wait. I can't wait for him to use me. After church yesterday all I could hear was God is going to use you BIG. I know I am not always as obedient as I should be, that is something I need to work on. The biggest part is that I know this and am willing to put in the work to do better. Maybe this Bible Study on forgiveness is what I need. I have never truly been angry with God about what happened. I just had questions, but HE has given me the answers that I need. This next go round there is a game plan and for that I am truly greatful.

In the hospital I asked God to allow this experience to be a blessing to someone else. I am ready and willing to make that happen. I know he continues to bless me and be with me as I endure this journey. The song is playing on my ipod right now "I give myself away to you Lord, My life is truly not my own, to You I belong, I give myself to you!" I give myself to you. Anthony's life was not mine he was yours and I gave him to you, you did not take him, I gave him because you needed him more. That makes me smile. I gave my only son so that he could be used to your glory.
The tears are streaming now, I need a tissue and to go eat after a workout. These are not tears of sadness but tears of gladness.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord,

'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' "

Jeremiah 29:11-13

This is Gods promise and I truly beleive it each and every day. Have a great day everyone!