Tomorrow! Again

Today was supposed to be my due date. I am greatful that I am feeling very peaceful, I even went and got a pedicure. Needed that so bad. Well tomorrow is my embryo transfer. I am optimistic and prayerful about what God has in store for us. There are 23 little possibilities that are waiting for their mommy tomorrow. I am sure that we will choose the absolute best one. Regardless of the outcome I will continue to praise God for my life and health. If I could speak to my son this is what I would say.......

Hey Anthony,
Mommy wants you to know that you are always thought of and forever in her heart. Your daddy and I thought that we would possibly be meeting you today but our Heavenly Father had other plans. He gave us you so that one day your brothers and sisters will make it safely here. Without you Mommy would have never known that ther was a problem with her cervix. Without you Mommy and Daddy would have never known how truly strong their relationship is and will continue to be. Without you we would not have been parents. While you only grew in me almost 19 short weeks you were very much loved since before you were conceived. Let me tell you a secret. Mommy was told that she would not have it easy having children. Boy did they hit the nail on the head. That is ok, the experiences that I've had make me cherish each and every child more and more. Sometimes I think that I cherish my students more than there own parents because I know how extremely precious bringing a child into this world can be. I am so happy that you are at Grandma's house where I can see you whenever I go over. I know its not often enough but that is because I know that your body was just a mere vessel that your spirit was inside. You had a job to do and you fulfilled your mission. While I wanted you here God needed you more. I love you always little boy, today, tomorrow and always.

Tomorrow is the Day

Tomorrow morning is what we have been waiting for all summer. We started this IVF journey back in May when we got the green light to try again. Tomorrow we go in for egg retrieval. I am scared and excited at the same time. I know that God truly has my back. I am going to trust and believe in his promises. Appointment is at 10:15. We go in at 8:45. I will solicit your prayers that all goes well. I thank you in advance.

Talisa

Stim Day 7

Today is Stim day 7 for me. My levels are rapidly rising estrogen was in the 600's yesterday and today was over 1000. My doctor thought I was a high responder and he was right. They are monitoring me closely so I am praying that all goes well. I am excited to hear that I may trigger on Saturday or Sunday. That means Egg retrieval is next week. I am praying for a good outcome out of this whole thing, I am making sure to protect my heart. There are so many success stories. Lori from Lori Does Maryland and my friend Eve. I know that God has a lot in store for me so I am being patient to see what the end result will be. I am giving it all to him. He is truly the Author and Finisher of my Faith. I will be blessed regardless.
I pray for continued peace and blessings to each and every one of you.

Day 5

Have not posted in a while but I have been here. It is Stim day five for me. Everything is looking good. My due date with Anthony is quickly approaching and for now I am at peace. I guess knowing that we are working on this invitro cycle is giving me a sense of calm. Nothing can replace my first born. (Anthony mommy loves you and misses you everyday) I have a sense of hope knowing of the potential of a sister or brother. Will and I are in a better place, we never had a true bad place since March 1, 2010 but I think he is starting to feel like he has the old Talisa back. I am glad that she is back too. I know that God has something big in store for me and I can't wait. I can't wait for him to use me. After church yesterday all I could hear was God is going to use you BIG. I know I am not always as obedient as I should be, that is something I need to work on. The biggest part is that I know this and am willing to put in the work to do better. Maybe this Bible Study on forgiveness is what I need. I have never truly been angry with God about what happened. I just had questions, but HE has given me the answers that I need. This next go round there is a game plan and for that I am truly greatful.

In the hospital I asked God to allow this experience to be a blessing to someone else. I am ready and willing to make that happen. I know he continues to bless me and be with me as I endure this journey. The song is playing on my ipod right now "I give myself away to you Lord, My life is truly not my own, to You I belong, I give myself to you!" I give myself to you. Anthony's life was not mine he was yours and I gave him to you, you did not take him, I gave him because you needed him more. That makes me smile. I gave my only son so that he could be used to your glory.
The tears are streaming now, I need a tissue and to go eat after a workout. These are not tears of sadness but tears of gladness.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord,

'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' "

Jeremiah 29:11-13

This is Gods promise and I truly beleive it each and every day. Have a great day everyone!

A Glimmer of Hope!

Hi everyone,
I have not been here in a while but I got some news today that have brought me a new since of hope. HERE WE GO...... Insurance Authorization for IVF Cycle came in today. This afternoon, so new my nurse didnt even know about it when I called her at 11:00 am around lunch. I happened to talk to the claims person at the RE office and she saw it. Called in to verify. My pre-IVF appointment is Friday and I can more than likely start my meds on Monday as long as they get here in time. I am so excited. I must stop first and say this.

" Father God, Thank you for another day that you have allowed me to see. Thanks for your grace and mercy to keep me in my right mind since we lost Anthony. Thank you for a positive support system, family, friends, BBC and even this blog who have been there to support me since March 1, 2010 his angle day at 18 weeks 5 days gestation. I know that it was you Lord who allowed me to listen to my body to know that something wasn't right. To find the incompetent cervix, too late for Anthony but not to late for his siblings that I beleive you will bless me with. Keep me and guide me along this new journey. Touch the hands of the doctors and nurses who come near me . I ask that you watch over all of the parents of angels and their families. Give them peace and the strength to endure each and every day. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."

I hope that this is the first of many exciting days to come on this journey to Baby! Whatever God has for me will be for me and I am greatful for the good and the bad, the happy and the sad and will continue to give God the honor that is due to him both today and forever.